Sunday, June 27, 2010

Awkward, WTF, & memorible singing/musical moments in film

*Honorable Mention*

Alfred Hitchcock's "The Man Who Knew Too Much"

"Runner up")

5. Kill Bill (The song is called twisted nerve composed by Bernard Herman for the film "Twisted Nerve")

4. Sweeney Todd 'Preist'

3. Clockwork Orange (All the scenes have been unable to imbed from Youtube) (***The rape scene of course*** But "I wanna Marry a Lighthouse Keeper" is pretty awkward too***)

2. Casablanca (The Nazi's & the French have a good ole fashion sing-off...I'm actually not joking...and once again I can't link it.)

1. Cabaret (I'm not going to explain what this image means or what the name of the song is but trust me when you see this rosey cheeked blond face boy, this scene is beyond powerful.)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Twilight and Titanic romance really !?!

I read on the box of New Moon today that it's the best epic romance since Titanic, but honestly I never believed one word of the romance in Titanic at all and I love that film. I've never seen the Twilight films but it's truly comparing it's romantic parts to a film in which the notion of love at first sight is stretched to the mere limits of beleivablity. A romantic fling. Titanic is a monumental technical achievement beyond whatever drama the story might convey. Is really Twilight comparable...I wonder. (Yes I swoon over good visual effects but even if Titanic is about a sexual fling that isn't trying to pass itself off as romantic then at least it passes at that.)

When I see a man who's been in love on film...I think of Robin Williams (Good Will Hunting). I know every time I see this scene I've got far more in common with Robin's character than Edward Cullen (minus that I'm skinny and white really), which is why I don't give the romance in Titanic or Twilight a second thought.

But I've never seen Twilight maybe indeed it is not forced but flows somehow organically like a real relationship does with honest hardships and not some bullshit high school ones. Or bright esoteric ones like, awe my other boyfriend is a werewolf or the coven of witches wants to kill me...or something of that nature, but something flowing naturally, organically, and honestly. Possibly acted by two actors that may actually know what a relationship feels like.

I finally got a chance to see "Twilight" on Riff Trax recently but still watched it and even the Mystery Science Theatre guys at the top of their game couldn't save this movie. It's 90% filler, he can't kiss, can't have sex, and can't kill. All they do is moan and make awkward facial expressions in every scene and they have no chemistry or basis as to why they like each other, let alone love & they have nothing in common. No one has a single genuine emotional response to anything and barely anthing happens accept teenage girl moaning. There is a horribly emasculating scene where Edward stops kissing her and spends the entire night cuddling her. (Ehem, he's got a teenage girl in a shirt and I think panties they kiss for like a fraction of a second, and that's way too intense for Edward so he just snuggles her. WTF!!! I'd of ripped her throat, banged her til the sun came up and sparkled all over her, sorry folks but A.) I'm human B. I'm at least realistic & even if I didn't bang her I'd dry hump her or smoked a joint or done F(&#*&(*@&@cking anything but snuggle her for no reason.) The rule is all snuggling must be precedeed by sexual activity. This film has unmotivated snuggling. But the characters all moan like they're getting laid and look lazily at each other for some reason. 90% of the time they just pose and cut away to random shots of trees. The editing is pure garbage, the music choices are predictable and garbage. Every movement seems to have motion blur for no reason, EVERONE is pale, not just the vampires, everything is blue for some reason. (Color correctionist just gave up.) Besides the basic plot of spending an eternity in highschool is A. Stupid and B. Horrible. Who the hell glorifies their highschool years like that, slowdancing on a gazzebo, and whos prom has gambling.

I tried to read the first book and couldn't get past the first chapter. It's written like a teenage girl writes a bad journal entry, not like a professional novelist so I sat it down.

2 good things. There are stand alone shots in the movie that look good, despite that the scenes aren't staged well, or maybe the choppy editing cut them short. And the setting is kinda pretty but that's about it. And if it wasn't so horribly blue might be nice to look at if all the actors were missing from the frame that is. I mean half the movie looks like a bad cologne or blue jeans commercial not a film at all. It's also very white besides the toiken black vampire, some random black guy dancing, and the indian guy that hates Edward for no explainable reason. (Yeah, yeah he's a werewolf but that wasn't established in this movie so why should I care that he hates him.) Establishing shots good/plot filler bad/ emotions good/smaltzy brooding bad. Got it?

And for the record, GO TO HELL William Shakespeare, Stephanie Meyer, and the opening song in M.A.S.H.! SUICIDE is not romantic, cute, or light hearted. So when virginal Bella Swan says the line like "I could die peacefully because of Edward" or something to that liking I realize that Stephanie Meyer doesn't have a clue what a real relationship costs or what a feels like to look into the eyes of a suicidal friend and tell them you love them. Not only is preaching celibacy probably one of the most evil things in modern times (Um Sex is healthy and natural, get over it, sorry but it's true, hell even kissing for longer than a fraction of a second or dry humping for 2 minutes is healthy and natural at least it's something. Unnatural brooding doesn't count as interaction.)

The fact that vampire mythos was destroyed aka; they don't kill people, they sparkle in the sunlight. I don't really care about I knew it was in this movie so I'm judging it based soley on what the film promised me, to be romantic; not a romantic epic just plain old romantic. And it did not suceed.

Even for crappy highschool puppy love this film doesn't qualify it's far below even those standards. If their truely are women remaining single and alone waiting for their Edward Cullen or Prince Charming or whatever horribly bland and unrealistic personalityless male steryotype I feel nothing but remorse for your loss of quality of life and a genuine experience with any real people. Sorry girls even if it was a fantasy, if your fantasy was to be snuggled you might as well just dream about puppies or teddy bears because real men aren't made of that gummy material the Cullen's are made out of.

I feel truely violated after seeing this movie.

I kind of wanted to cheer myself up by watching "Irreversible" or "Requiem for a Dream"

But I digress below are the scenes that remind me when I think romantic, I think Robin Williams and not Edward Cullen.

(Oh and the Stephen King thing I added for fun.) ^.^ Enjoy.

(Or this scene)

Giving your time and life to a woman is painful, and it's not some fake vampires will kill your Dad I love you for no reason painful but truely painful. Their is nothing wrong with genuine human emotions, nothing at all.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Top 5 favorite ridiculous movie titles . . . . .

5. The Werewolf Vs the Vampire Woman

4. The incredibly strange creatures who stopped living and became mixed up zombies

3. Night of the Seagulls

2. The House that Dripped Blood (Yes that's a Christopher Lee platter.)

1. And now the screaming starts (sounds like a porno...but it's not)

Same f*cking thing

(*This was openly admited by Stuart Gordon in the Psycho Legacy documentary.)